Where is the line?

Eight years ago my husband and I went on our first holiday together. We played it fairly safe and went to Cyprus. It was hot, straightforward and had the same plug sockets and traffic lights as the UK. Marvellous. We had a great time, visiting the beach or the hotel pool more or less on alternate days and embarrassing ourselves wildly in the evenings with some pretty average karaoke.

Almost every day we were at the hotel pool we would see a gorgeous little girl who we established was called Libby. I had liked this name anyway and because she was so delightful I think I pretty much made up my mind that Libby was at the top of my list of girl's names from that point. I asked where she lived and she said 'In a house' which was sensible enough I suppose. Further interrogation revealed the house being somewhere in 'Staffs' meaning she had a sweet little accent – 'Get your usbund in the poo-al' she would say and eventually we would relent. She wanted to play games involving throwing a ball – fine. She wanted to chat – fine. But when she started requesting to be picked up – not fine.

I am a pretty obedient person. I often do what I am told and I have a sharp internal barometer when it comes to things that just aren't done. I pride myself that I can gauge situations and enjoy a pretty high emotional intelligence so every mental and emotional alarm bell went off when this darling, innocent, friendly, charming girl wanted to simply be picked up high enough to catch the ball in 'piggy-in-the-middle'. She was in a swimming costume and so were we. Her parents as far as we assumed were sitting nearby on sun-loungers. What would they think if we put our hands on her? Would my husband in particular be risking a kicking if he obliged?

I dropped my daughter off at nursery as usual this morning and, as usual, I gave her a kiss goodbye. She wanted another one, so I kissed her again. Then one of her friends appeared and demanded a kiss too. I suddenly remembered Cyprus and the Libby in the pool. Should I kiss her or not? If so, just the cheek or are lips appropriate? Why do I have so many questions?? I then mentally asked myself how I would feel if one of the other mum's kissed my Libby. If I'm honest there would probably some sort of pang of discomfort. My 'inner Lioness' wanting to protect her cub. But from what? Affection? Should we be tactile and physically affectionate with other people's children or do we risk bringing up generations of emotionally stunted, paranoid individuals who struggle to form relationships if we don't?

I'm not sure I know where the line is but I always smile when, on having to sign those wretched accident forms every time my daughter has a bump at nursery, I read that her 'treatment' involved a cold compress and cuddles!

 

Jec

x